Where have I been?!

Hey everyone, long time no see! I hope you all are doing well and taking care of yourselves. As you may have noticed (or possibly not, which is fine too), it has been two years since I posted on this blog. I never intended to be gone for so long, but here we are. In this post, I want to share six reflections and revelations from the past two years, coinciding with my third and fourth years in grad school.

1. My career goals shifted…again…and again (and that’s okay!). Something that those of you who are applying to grad school should know is that your career goals will likely change several times. When I started my PhD, I knew I wanted a non-academic job once I graduated. However, when I began teaching during my second year, I thought, “Huh, maybe I could see myself being a professor.” Then, my third year came, and I began to have an existential crisis about what I wanted to do (don’t we all?). Throughout my fourth year, I started thinking more about my future career and what I wanted it to look like. After much thought, I decided to apply for academic and non-academic positions when I enter the job market in Fall 2025 (*screams in anxiety*). Some challenges come with being in two different job markets with different expectations, deadlines, and other considerations. We will cross that bridge when we get there!
2. Comparing myself to others ruined my mental health. As the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” That is the case in grad school. I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their journey and timeline. Just because someone “looks” like they are “ahead” of you doesn’t mean they are. You are running your race, and they are running theirs.
3. I can do hard things (hello, preliminary exams, and prospectus writing!). These last two years were some of the most challenging years I have had in grad school thus far but also some of the greatest for growth. They were filled with me completing two major milestones for both my programs — passing my preliminary exams and writing and defending my dissertation prospectus. And just for a moment of transparency, I had to retake one of my preliminary exams, which was a struggle in itself, but we made it through. It was a long road to get here, but as of May 13th, I am officially all but dissertation (ABD)!
4. Rejections were plentiful and broke my heart (lol), spirit, and scholarly identity. Are rejections an expected part of grad school and academia? Yes. Does it still suck? Also yes. My third year was the year I applied for the most awards/grants/fellowships I have ever applied for since I was a PhD student (I think, 11?). My motto since I started was that I wanted to apply for any and everything relevant to me and my work to continue putting myself out there and getting out of my comfort zone. I put together as strong of applications as possible and received eight rejections. However, I was successful at getting a research award from one of my departments that I had won previously, a summer research award from my other department, and getting into a scholars program. Despite not getting rejected for *everything* I applied for, it still was not a great feeling. There were some weeks when I received rejections on back-to-back days and others when I received two rejections in a day. I internalized these rejections and felt like my work wasn’t good enough and that I was a terrible scholar. Looking back on this year, all those “no’s” made me a stronger researcher and scholar. During my fourth year, I decided to apply for more awards/grants that I was interested in (some that I had applied for the year prior and some new ones). The outcome was a lot better. I applied for 12 awards/grants (mostly to fund my dissertation) and received six, but I received six other rejections. I still haven’t been able to be awarded anything externally (i.e., outside of my institution), but that is one of my goals.
5. Having and defending your ideas can be scary. For much of my life, I have struggled with having confidence. A big part of getting your PhD is being able to formulate your own ideas and being able to defend them. For instance, in your dissertation prospectus defense, at least how it’s done in my departments, is that you present your ideas for what you want to do for your dissertation to your committee and must be able to defend why this study (or why these studies), what the point is of the work, and why you should be the one to do this work. It is quite daunting to bring ideas to the table, especially when you don’t feel fully confident that you know what you are doing (as I often feel). For anyone in the process of your prospectus defense or another milestone, you can do it! Taking a stand with your work may be scary, but you got this 🫶🏽.
6. Owning my decision to do a joint degree. Whenever people find out that I am a PhD student in two programs, they almost always mention how impressive it is that I’m doing that. For a long time, I would use self-deprecating language (my signature) when I talked about this decision, and I realized recently how bad it is that I was doing that constantly. Generally, I would say something like, “Oh, yeah, I’m probably stupid for doing this,” or “Oh, yeah, I’m doing this, but it’s not that big of a deal.” In actuality, it IS a big deal that I am *technically* getting two PhDs (I will only get one diploma, though, and it will have both of my programs on it). It IS a big deal that I made this decision for myself because I knew my interdisciplinary research interests and goals would benefit from being trained as a communication scholar AND a developmental psychologist. I’m proud of how much I have accomplished these past four years and don’t regret taking this approach with my PhD. I’m never going back to school again once I complete my degree, so why not do it the way I want to do it? Has it been challenging? Absolutely. Have I had moments when I questioned why I was even in grad school and wanted to quit? Absolutely. Is it hard to maintain the motivation to make it to the finish line? Absolutely. But I’m just taking it one task at a time and trying to find and embrace the joy of doing work I care about while ensuring that my mind, body, and spirit are intact.

And that’s all I have, folks! I’ve had other reflections and revelations these past two years, but I wanted to share the six most important ones. If you are in grad school, I’m sending you good vibes for peace and productivity during this new academic year. If you are applying to grad programs, I wish you the best of luck! Although I haven’t posted in a long time, I’ve received several emails from some of you who have found this blog helpful throughout the application process, and I’m always so glad to hear that. If you are not in grad school, I hope you are also doing well and thriving.

I am dissertating (*hyperventilates*), so I can’t promise to post again anytime soon. However, I usually respond to emails through the “write to me” contact form, so you can reach me there if needed.